Lately, I haven't been as active in the photography scene as I usually am. I can list a million and one reasons as to why I haven't been shooting. Honestly ... I just haven't been feeling too well. What's causing my distress?
Firstly, I left the "cruisy" Hawaiian community lifestyle in search of more meaning, said goodbye to someone I truly, madly, deeply care for, and then re-entered into "the system." It happened all of a sudden, before I could even make sense of it and process what was happening. I suppose life has a unique system in place. A system that redirects us to where we need to be, when where we want to be, isn't the place we are meant to be.
Trying your best and failing, having to let go when you want to hold on, moving on when you want to stay, having to start all over again when all you want to do is finish what you started can be difficult for anyone to bare. At times the mind can run amuck and test your psychological resilience by constantly trying to convince you that you aren't good enough or worthy enough for love and happiness. A mind left unchecked can seduce you into believing that you are all alone in this world and that no one gets you.
It can be a daunting task to reach out to family or friends for help to only be given superficial advice such as, "Oh, you'll be fine!" or "Just shake it off and pull yourself together, there are bigger problems in the world." Comments like these can be even more detrimental to your psychological well-being then if you were to keep it to yourself.
To top it off, so many people seem to have got it right, or so it appears on social media. Every time we refresh our browser we're subjected to images and posts on social media of people showcasing how amazing and joyful their lives are. If you're fortunate to meet them in person, you quickly discover that something is off and the energy doesn't match the imagery. I recently read an article on the New York Post called, " Our double lives: Dark Realities behind 'perfect' online profiles " Definitely give it a read if you find yourself admiring the life of another as it appears online. The article sheds light on the dark realities behind the seemingly glamorous profiles we come to admire. The truth is, like you and I, they too are facing the age old challenges of life.
In my most darkest hours, when all hope seemed to have vanished along with the people I've come to love, I found solace in the arms of poetry, songs, inspirational quotes and self help books. These words of wisdom became a trustworthy and loyal friend who didn't give up on me.
"There must be something strangely sacred in salt. It is in our tears and in the sea." -Kahlil Gibran
Releasing pent up emotions helped relieve the anxiety, resentment and anger I had been carrying for so long. If you find yourself experiencing anxiety or emotional distress check out this article: Can Holding Back Emotions cause Anxiety?
If you find yourself in a time of darkness, just know that you are not alone. You just need time and space to process what's coming up from you. There is a great lesson in pain if you can simply sit with the experience. No one but you can save your inner-self. You have to be your own hero. Knowledge protects, ignorance endangers. A great read on meditation and self-realization is "Search Inside Yourself."
Below I've compiled some words of wisdom I found helpful, perhaps you will too.
Courage
“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, I have lived through this horror. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
Pain
“There is no coming to consciousnes without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own Soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”
“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ”
Loneliness
“Don’t surrender your loneliness so quickly. Let it cut you more deep. Let it ferment and season you as few humans and even divine ingredients can. Something missing in my heart tonight has made my eyes so soft, my voice so tender, my need for God absolutely clear.”
Love Lost/Letting Go
“Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.”
“In your light I learn how to love. In your beauty, how to make poems. You dance inside my chest where no-one sees you, but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art.”
“I choose to love you in silence, for in silence I find no rejection. I choose to love you in loneliness, for in loneliness no one owns you but me. I choose to adore you from a distance, for distance will shield me from pain. I choose to kiss you in the wind, for the wind is gentler than my lips. I choose to hold you in my dreams, for in my dreams, you have no end.”
Finally, I leave you with a beautiful scene from Louie C.K.'s show Louie. What will you do with "the sweet nugget of love.?"
May peace be upon you <3
-Asim